Lots of heavy stuff on my mind...

Our Monday morning worship in the Ohana Court

This weekend I took it slow and tried to process some of the heavy subjects we have dealt with in these past three weeks. As I mentioned earlier, week 1 was all about hearing God's voice. And this is still a struggle for me because even though I can feel God's hand guiding my path in many situations throughout my life, I am still having a hard time "talking" to Him (and get an immediate response) or receiving clear guidance on certain subjects that I have been praying about for years. I know God wants me to be here right now - but where does He really want me to go in my life? I know He gave me a great passion for caring for others - but will that be in Germany, the USA or in the mission field? And it is dawning on me that maybe He does not need to speak more clearly but that I might just have to listen more closely...

The topic of week 2 was "Kingdom Sexuality." A very interesting topic - but also very difficult to address for some of the people in our class. And I believe that this second week has changed some of my thoughts as well as strengthened some of my views in mighty ways. Here are two major points that stuck with me:

1. Pornography
I had often heard about this topic but since I personally never struggled with pornography it was simply "not my problem." But it is. It is a problem of our society. It is not only that EVERY TIME people go on the internet to watch pornography, they support the pornography industry that robs the prostitutes and playboy actors of their self-worth, their dignity. But the people who seek out pornography also do massive damage to their own souls. By watching a one-dimensional virtual fantasy, they are affecting their own worldview of what sex is like. Over time, this changes people's expectations of sex and of love itself. As a result, people cannot help but carry some of these skewed values into their own relationships. Thus, many relationships and marriages of "normal people" today fail because the two individuals in the relationship have a wrong view of either a) how one should act and therefore "deliver" or b) what one can expect and therefore request of the other person. It makes me sick to realize that unrealistic ideas that are skewed by the media have caused God's heavenly gift of "making love" to be degraded to "casual sex."

2. ... And forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us.
This is the "pathway to freedom," as our speaker, Kenny Jackson, put it. God has a very hard time getting through to us if we carry bitterness in our hearts. Forgiving another person often does even a greater good in the person who forgives than the person who is forgiven. Important: DO NOT dig up things from the past and hold them against a person if you have already forgiven him/her for it. And here is what struck me:
Several times in my life I have felt wrongly treated and have hoped to be asked for forgiveness by the one who hurt me. BUT Kenny Jackson highlighted that often the victim also needs to ask for forgiveness because he/she LET the other person hurt him/her. That means, by not speaking up in a situation that I could have, I ALLOWED the other person to take advantage of me and thus to sin. I have never looked at it that way and need to meditate more on it. It looks like I will have to ask some people for forgiveness...

Week 3 was Corporate Week. The founders of YWAM, Loren and Darlene Cunningham together with their friend David Hamilton, were the speakers for the week to the entire campus. Once again, I want to mention two points that stuck out to me.

1. You Cannot Steer a Parked Car
I have often heard the term "waiting on the Lord."And I have encountered people who have been sitting back and waited to hear from God about what to do in their lives before they would get up and do anything. And because they "do not hear anything," they remain seated. But God IS calling us already. He would like to give us directions but if we do not move forward, eager to hear His voice, He cannot guide our path. Just as you cannot steer a parked car.

2. Love Is a Choice
We often hear people talk about "falling in and OUT of love." Why is it then that some couples stay together even after the "butterflies" are gone? Or are they simply super-humans and the lovey-dovey feeling just never left them? The answer to this hit me like a hammer because of its simplicity:
Imagine a train. In a healthy relationship, your WILL is the LOCOMOTIVE, your MIND is the COAL WAGON and your FEELINGS are the CARS. If you choose to love someone for who he/she is (steering locomotive) and you devote your time, your life to this person (empowering source), then feelings of true love will follow (cars). However, if you try to let your lovey-dovey feelings rule your decisions (thus, you are letting your cars steer your locomotive), then you will most likely end up with a train-wreck.
Therefore: Guys, go and buy your girls flowers for no reason. Ladies, invite your husbands to go watch his favorite sports game. Because it's the little things and the constant practice of loving each other that make your love last. 

My wonderful roommate Grace took this series for a class assignment